My name is Seth Conner formerly known as gingersnap McGhee to the VET VIP group. I am 24 years old and am here to share with you my personal demons; my biggest fears.
I deployed to Kabul, Afghanistan in 2012-2013. I have never been so pumped to go defend my country and give some to those terrorists who hurt so many in my country when I was a child. I never could have expected the aftermath...
I came home a new father and a changed man. I wanted nothing more than to be a father to my daughter but I never got that chance and part of it is my fault. My daughters' mother blocked me and disappeared with my baby girl for a reason I didn't understand. As a result I fell in a dark destructive path of alcoholism. I was completely unaware that I had a problem and did not think to go into therapy; I told myself I didn't need that shit. I continued to drink, the pain from demons on deployment and demons from my home life, away. The ambitious young man I used to be did a complete 180 from a law enforcement officer and a soldier to a functioning but destructive alcoholic. Soon I found myself getting drunk and sticking a 9mm in my mouth daring myself to end it all but I always found a reason to not do it. This path of destruction continued for a year or so.
On January 21, 2015 my life changed when I received news that my team leader was found dead from a gunshot wound in his home. I didn't know what to think and I mourned his life hard. The drinking became more frequent and in larger quantity. I was withdrew deeper inside myself, hiding my pain and the real me smiling bright for others to see.
On May 20, 2015 another devastating event occurred when I was arrested and charged for a crime I did not do. I lost everything I had, including my truck. I was at the bottom and had no where else to go and no reason to try anymore. A friend intervened and saved my life. I finally got help and to this day am still getting help. My legal issues are almost over, and soon my honor will be restored. I'm not where I want to be in life but I'm damn sure a lot better and happier than what I was.
What is the point of me saying all of this? Sometimes it takes a reality check to show you how strong you really are. When you think you have hit muscle failure you've got to reach down and push a little harder; you might surprise yourself at how strong you really are when you feel you are at your weakest.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this and I hope it helps someone.